It's 10:40 on a Saturday night. On week-nights, I would already be in bed, probably already asleep, but on the weekends, I tend to be a bit rebellious (for lack of a better word) and stay up late just because I can. If I don't have to get up at 6:20 for work, why not stay up a little later, right? :-)
Tonight I feel peaceful and content, hopeful, slightly restless, and a little bit confused. And sleepy :-)

This has been a long, busy week, but a good one. Especially during the 2nd half of the week, I got to spend a lot of time with different friends -- on Wednesday night, had dinner with a friend/coworker Madison. Thursday night, went out for dinner, ice cream, and shopping with my friends/coworkers/neighbors Katie and Brent. Last night, I went to a singles event at church, and tonight spent the evening with my family.

I don't think I've mentioned here that I've decided to "go" back to school (online) and finish my Associates Degree that was started long ago. I can finish that degree with about 5-6 more classes. The classes pack a full semester into 8 weeks, and this 8-week term starts on Monday. I'll be taking "Introduction to Christian Thought" and "Biblical Counseling of Children." We'll see how it goes with working full time and doing school! I don't think this term will be too bad.

All right, enough for now. Sleep well, my friends.
~Ashley

"Would you catch a couple thousand fireflies?
And put them in a lamp to light my world?"

"Be angry, and yet do not sin."

Believe it or not, I get angry sometimes. Some of my friends and coworkers say they can't imagine me getting mad or being disagreeable about anything. True, I'm not an angry person...it doesn't happen often, especially not where others can see...but it does happen.

I'm thinking of the day back in July, when I was mad about being stuck in the camp office while the other staff got to help with Olympics, and I spent the day with a scowl on my face, slamming doors and shoving things around in the office.
Or just the other day when I acted like a jerk and rode on some other car's tail, because they were going 5mph UNDER the speed limit, and I wanted to be going 5 or 10 OVER.

Or how about this morning, when I yelled at my dog because she didn't do her business outside as quickly as I wanted her to, and I was going to be late to church.

I think generally the situation is one of the following: 1) I get mad and irritated over a frustrating circumstance in my day. 2) I'm hurt and upset over something much deeper, and it just comes out in anger over a smaller, less-important situation. 3) There's really no legitimate reason at all to be mad; I'm just being childish.

Here's what I realized today (it wasn't the main point of the message at church, but something that jumped out at me)-- when I'm holding onto or acting in anger, I'm not walking right with God.

Some people will tell you it's a sin to be angry. That's not true. The Bible says, "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." (Ephesians 4:26) Experiencing the emotion of anger is not a sin. But when I choose to hang onto that anger and let my words and actions and thoughts be controlled by it rather than by the Holy Spirit.... then it becomes sinful. And holding onto anger is a telling sign that my relationship with God is not where it should be. I'm not trusting Him to be fair, to meet my needs, to be the "God of Justice" that the Bible says He is... to be my Yahweh, my everything. I'm not allowing Him to be in control.

But truthfully, I realize that I need Him, and need to be in a right relationship with Him, more than I need anything else -- anything I might be angry about. When we realize that, then that's when we have to choose to let go of it and run back to God again. He will take care of whatever the offending situation is, while we rest in His love.

Thoughts, anyone?

my dream guy.

I'm learning about standards...or more specifically, God's standards.

Even more specifically, His standards on what's important in a person -- in a man.

Girls, if you're like me, you probably have an image in your mind of your dream guy. He's your "type," he's amazing, and he's drop-dead gorgeous. I'll give you an idea of mine:

Seriously, who doesn't want to marry a guy who looks like that?! :-)

But the truth is, only a small handful of girls get to marry the gorgeous, muscular cowboys. Chances are, I won't be one of those.

And the truth is -- well, my thinking of what the truth is, anyway -- most women probably have a dream of marrying someone gorgeous and muscular and perfect... until they meet a guy and fall in love, and suddenly that person is their dream. That guy may or may not be incredibly handsome. He may or may not be the "type" of guy that the girl envisioned herself with. But what matters is that he is a man of God, they love each other, and they share a deep connection.

Yesterday, I was reading in the Bible in Judges chapter 3. It tells about some of the battles Israel fought against their enemies. Toward the end of the chapter (I think it's verse 28), it says that the Israelites struck down 10,000 men, and all of those were "robust and valiant men."

Robust and valiant... that kinda describes that handsome cowboy in that picture, huh? What this verse says to me is that those things don't matter. The Israelites were weak and inexperienced. They were not robust and valiant! But God was with them, and in the end, that's what mattered. That's what brought the victory.

Yeah, I'd like to have a drop-dead gorgeous man. A cowboy would be nice. But you know, I'm learning and deciding that what I really want is a man who stands on the Word of God and loves the Lord with all of his being. I want a man who seeks God in everything and will walk with me through the mountains and valleys of life, secure in Christ.

take my dreams, come and give them wings..

My prayer as I sat down with my Bible this morning -- "God, there are so many verses in Your word that say that You are with me, You have plans for me, You're leading and guiding me, all of that. And those promises are true; I believe them and could read them over and over again. But what I need right now is an actual word of guidance and direction!!"

my week in a nutshell. and a good quote.

This past week:

Friends over at my house, swimming, filing paperwork, cleaning bathrooms, catching mice, Yoo-Hoo's, really good conversations with friends, riding in a convertible VW Bug, Salsarita's, frustrations, ambitions, good music, cleaning the pool, weed-eating, sore muscles, Avatar the Last Airbender, jigsaw puzzle, speaking Spanish, wardrobe malfunction, texting, cookie dough, petting zoo.

what next?

So, I unexpectedly had to go out of town again a few days after getting back from Charleston -- this time to Mississippi for a funeral. I got back home early this afternoon, for a couple of days to rest up before starting back to work. It's been a quiet day of laundry, movie-watching, etc.

I have virtually no food in the house, so tonight I drove out to Subway to grab dinner. I brought it back to camp, and walked out to the Frontier Adventure field and sat at one of the picnic tables to eat. As is common these days, what came to my mind was -- where am I going from here? It's strange that this place that felt so much like home just a few months ago, feels uncomfortable and unwelcoming to me now. I know it's almost time to move on. But I have no idea where I'm going next. So my prayer continues to be, "God, show me where to go. Show me what You have for the next season."

I know He will, in time. The hard part is waiting on the answer to come. And I'm praying, too, that I can be content here until He opens the next door. I want to live with purpose, every day He gives me.

Charleston Road Trip

During one of the last weeks of camp this summer, my friend Amanda and I sat on the dock one night talking... and I mentioned that I had a week of vacation from work after summer camp ended. My family was not doing anything special that week, so I was trying to decide how to spend my vacation week. This is where the idea was born.... ROAD TRIP!

After a lot of plotting and planning, it all came together. A group of 4 of us girls (who all work at camp together in the summers) set off on a road trip to Charleston, South Carolina. I give you photos....

in the car, ready to go!

Yay South Carolina!!

pretty streets and buildings in historic Charleston

enough food to feed an army.... or four girls :-)

beach day!

dressed up for our last night in Charleston

And, shall we finish with the LOVELY concert we had in the car on the way home. We were tired and mostly quiet on the drive home, but this was the moment when the Starbucks rush kicked in....

my God is greater, my God is stronger

Fact: the devil knows us well. He knows me well. He knows what "pushes my buttons" and makes me angry....he knows what stabs and hurts me and pulls me down....he knows what appeals to my flesh and causes me to stumble.

And he put ALL of those things before me this week, trying to make me fall. Some just once, some daily. He tried hard this week.

But here's another fact: "Greater is HE that is in you than he that is in the world."

Last week was a pretty bad one for me, especially toward the end of it. It was not good. But knowing that this week was the last week of Summer Camp 2011, I determined to keep my focus on God and finish strong. A lot of prayer went into this week. I wanted this summer to end in a GOOD way!

Like I said, Satan tried. But my God is greater!! I "prayed continually" all week long, and He helped me keep my focus in the right place, and rest in Him and be joyful this week. It was a great week! All because of Jesus :-)

So, Summer Camp 2011 is officially over. It's a bittersweet feeling tonight as I reflect on the past 9 weeks. Now we go on from here and see what comes next!!

a week full of God.

Oh my goodness. Where do I even begin in telling about the past 7 days? I have experienced God working in such a tangible way, and been able to be a part of it, too. That’s an awesome thing.

Okay, so last Sunday, I arrived at camp as usual and started on my normal office work. Before long, my boss called me into his office and informed me that I was needed to be a counselor that week. We had so many kids that we were short on counselors (those who actually stay in the cabins with the kids and are with them one-on-one all week), so most of the staff girls (lifeguards, program, office, etc) had to be used as counselors.

Well, at first, I was not at all happy about this. And for entirely selfish reasons. Being a counselor is a wonderful opportunity to share Christ and disciple young kids, but I was focused on the difficult and less pleasant sides of the job, and had a bad attitude.

Gradually, over that Sunday evening, God changed my heart and I actually got excited about being a counselor for the week. That night, my friend Amanda and I had a long, really good talk about life and situations and the future and following God, etc, and prayed together. I think that really got both of us set on the right track for the week.

I was assigned to Cabin #4 for the week, and when the kids arrived Monday morning, my co-counselor and I had five campers ages 7-9. Let me just say that those kids were precious. Oh my goodness. No, it wasn’t all easy… there were times when they argued and whined, and moments that they drove me crazy and I needed to step away. But overall, what a wonderful week! It was better than I could have expected. Those little girls were hilarious and kept me laughing all week. But better than that, they were incredibly open and spiritually hungry, and I was SO encouraged by that. They participated actively in our cabin devotion times, asked lots of questions about God and the Bible, shared their hearts, and expressed a great desire to know God more and to do right.

People, if children like that can be nurtured by mature Christians and keep that hunger, then there is hope for the world.

God was just so present and working this past week…. as He always is, but I was just so aware of it, so in the midst of it. And I needed that. I’ve been pretty burnt out on camp the last couple of weeks. God knew that I needed that “change of scenery” and to experience Him in that way, to see Him actively changing kids’ lives… rather than just seeing rosters and paperwork and credit card numbers in the office. So I thank Him, again and again, for that. God is good.

Weekends are always extremely short in comparison to the long, hard weeks we work at camp, but I spent Friday evening and Saturday resting and hanging out at home with my family. This morning, I drove to church, looking forward to the next message in a series on Philippians we’ve been working through. When I got to church, I found that the pastor is out of town, and we had a guest preacher who spoke on something totally different than Philippians. I was a bit disappointed…but only for a moment. As always, God knew best, and this morning’s message spoke straight to my heart, with some stuff I’ve been thinking through the past few weeks.

To give a brief synopsis… the theme of the message was “letting go of one thing to take hold of something else.” He used the example of Abraham, and how there were 3 different instances where God asked him to let go of something.

1. His homeland/family (when God said, leave your family and go to a land I will show you) -- represents something that was comfortable, but was hindering him or holding him back from God’s will for him.

2. His first son, Ishmael (when God said Ishmael was not the promised son) -- represents something he had obtained in his own way, outside of God’s will.

3. His second son, Isaac (when God asked him to sacrifice him) -- represents something God had given him, but didn’t want him to hold onto too tightly, OR can represent something God gives us but only for a season.

I won’t go into detail about what this message meant for me, but it did really speak to me, and I’m just so grateful that God cares enough to speak to us in such tender ways, and that He has such great plans for us and guides us so lovingly in His path. I’m just so in awe of Him today.

So now I’m back at camp for another week… another week of working in the office. I’m going to make the most of it. I’m going to rejoice in the Lord every day. And while it won’t be the same as last week, I know He is still going to work, and is working even now, and He is faithful. Don’t forget that in your own life and situations… God is working and He is faithful!