to go or not to go?

So, last December, I went to this AMAZING event -- the annual National Conference of the Christian Camp and Conference Association. Yeah, that's a mouthful. Basically, it's hundreds of people from across the country who are involved in Christian camping ministry.
So I went to the conference last year, and it was sooooo good. Like really, I can't even explain how refreshing it was to be with ALL those other people who share my passion for camp ministry. It was such a good thing. I met some fabulous people, some of whom I still keep up with on Facebook, and I gained a lot of great information and ideas.

As soon as the conference was over, I was already looking forward to December 2011... until sometime this spring or summer, when I decided I wasn't going to go this year, wasn't going to spend the money. Not worth it to spend the money on it two years in a row, was my verdict.

Until this week. Now that it's just over a month away, I'm starting to reallllllly wish I was going to this year's conference.

It's expensive. And I'm young, single, and don't make a lot of money.

But then again... I'm young and single :-) AND have a job at a camp that will allow me to take a week off to do this. How many more years will I have opportunities to do stuff like this?

But is it wise to spend that much money? I have school, and bills, and a car with less-than-ideal gas mileage.

So I'm weighing the pros and cons, trying to consider what's best to do. Let me know if you have any input :-)

It's 10:40 on a Saturday night. On week-nights, I would already be in bed, probably already asleep, but on the weekends, I tend to be a bit rebellious (for lack of a better word) and stay up late just because I can. If I don't have to get up at 6:20 for work, why not stay up a little later, right? :-)
Tonight I feel peaceful and content, hopeful, slightly restless, and a little bit confused. And sleepy :-)

This has been a long, busy week, but a good one. Especially during the 2nd half of the week, I got to spend a lot of time with different friends -- on Wednesday night, had dinner with a friend/coworker Madison. Thursday night, went out for dinner, ice cream, and shopping with my friends/coworkers/neighbors Katie and Brent. Last night, I went to a singles event at church, and tonight spent the evening with my family.

I don't think I've mentioned here that I've decided to "go" back to school (online) and finish my Associates Degree that was started long ago. I can finish that degree with about 5-6 more classes. The classes pack a full semester into 8 weeks, and this 8-week term starts on Monday. I'll be taking "Introduction to Christian Thought" and "Biblical Counseling of Children." We'll see how it goes with working full time and doing school! I don't think this term will be too bad.

All right, enough for now. Sleep well, my friends.
~Ashley

"Would you catch a couple thousand fireflies?
And put them in a lamp to light my world?"

"Be angry, and yet do not sin."

Believe it or not, I get angry sometimes. Some of my friends and coworkers say they can't imagine me getting mad or being disagreeable about anything. True, I'm not an angry person...it doesn't happen often, especially not where others can see...but it does happen.

I'm thinking of the day back in July, when I was mad about being stuck in the camp office while the other staff got to help with Olympics, and I spent the day with a scowl on my face, slamming doors and shoving things around in the office.
Or just the other day when I acted like a jerk and rode on some other car's tail, because they were going 5mph UNDER the speed limit, and I wanted to be going 5 or 10 OVER.

Or how about this morning, when I yelled at my dog because she didn't do her business outside as quickly as I wanted her to, and I was going to be late to church.

I think generally the situation is one of the following: 1) I get mad and irritated over a frustrating circumstance in my day. 2) I'm hurt and upset over something much deeper, and it just comes out in anger over a smaller, less-important situation. 3) There's really no legitimate reason at all to be mad; I'm just being childish.

Here's what I realized today (it wasn't the main point of the message at church, but something that jumped out at me)-- when I'm holding onto or acting in anger, I'm not walking right with God.

Some people will tell you it's a sin to be angry. That's not true. The Bible says, "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger." (Ephesians 4:26) Experiencing the emotion of anger is not a sin. But when I choose to hang onto that anger and let my words and actions and thoughts be controlled by it rather than by the Holy Spirit.... then it becomes sinful. And holding onto anger is a telling sign that my relationship with God is not where it should be. I'm not trusting Him to be fair, to meet my needs, to be the "God of Justice" that the Bible says He is... to be my Yahweh, my everything. I'm not allowing Him to be in control.

But truthfully, I realize that I need Him, and need to be in a right relationship with Him, more than I need anything else -- anything I might be angry about. When we realize that, then that's when we have to choose to let go of it and run back to God again. He will take care of whatever the offending situation is, while we rest in His love.

Thoughts, anyone?