Hiding from the Holidays

 Dear Waiting Heart,

Take a deep breath. The holiday season is here. Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and chances are you’re on your way to a relative’s house, or relatives are piling into your house, or you’re gathering with your friend group or church — somehow, you’ll find yourself surrounded by happy people who seem to have everything they want.

And there you are, loving your people, but somehow feeling alone in the crowd. 

Because there’s your little sister hanging on the arm of her husband, beaming with newlywed bliss… while you’re wondering whether your Mr Right will ever show up, or if maybe you’re somehow not marriage material.

Because there’s your cousin showing off her chubby baby to everyone, exhausted from sleepless nights but oh so happy as a new mommy… while you had yet another negative pregnancy test this morning.

Because there’s your sister-in-law, who just landed her dream job and is so excited for a new and exciting chapter in her life, knowing she’s exactly where she’s meant to be… while you feel lost and aimless, running into closed doors everywhere you turn.

Because there’s your friend, glowing after the announcement that she’s expecting her second baby… while you ache for just one, but your husband isn’t ready yet.

I know what it feels like. Holidays are hard. I understand feeling like the odd one out, the only person in the room who doesn’t have her life together, whose prayers haven’t been answered. I get the awkward moments, the probing questions, the jealousy, and then the guilt over being jealous. And I understand that sometimes, you just want to run away and hide from it all.

But dear waiting heart, today I encourage you — Don’t run. Don’t hide.

Can I share two things with you that I’ve learned recently?

The first is that those people aren’t the enemy. As Christ-followers, we do have a very real enemy, whose mission is to steal, kill, and destroy {John 10:10}. But your enemy is not the girl who got engaged and married while you were still waiting for your boyfriend to propose. Your enemy is not the woman who got pregnant right after you had a miscarriage. Your enemy is not the people who ask dumb questions and make insensitive comments. Your enemy is not your husband or your mom or your coworker. Your enemy is the one who tries to take your eyes off Jesus and turn your heart against those people! He is the enemy you need to fight — not your friends and family.

The second is that it’s healthy to surround yourself with what you’re praying for. My friend Caroline at In Due Time shared this with me. All of the “self-care” things you’ll read will tell you that it’s okay to hide when it’s hard to be around those people, that it’s fine to pull away from relationships when they have what you want and it’s too painful. What Caroline shared with me was counter-intuitive to that: Surround yourself with what you want. Your newlywed sister and her husband? Hang out with them. Listen to what their married life is like. Ask them what they’ve learned from marriage. There’s such benefit in observing those who go before you. Your cousin and her new baby? Hold that baby, feel his warmth and breathe in his sweet, baby-bath scent. It might be painful, but it can also be soothing to your soul. Let it be a springboard for your prayers as you ask God to do for you what He did for her. 

The holidays are fully upon us, and when you’re in a waiting season, these days can bring as much heartache as joy. When the hard moments happen, hold on. Don’t run away. You are strong and courageous {Joshua 1:9}, and hope is an anchor for your soul {Hebrews 6:19}. You are not alone {Isaiah 41:10}…. and believe it or not, you do have much to be thankful for this year!

Happy Thanksgiving, sweet friends.

Who Cares What We Look Like?

 “Who Cares What We Look Like?”

{ a case for photo Christmas cards without kids }

When fall arrives, it’s time to start thinking about Christmas cards — if you’re the type that sends them out. { side note: sending Christmas cards is a lost art. I remember when my family would get dozens of them in the mail; now we’re lucky to get a dozen. Sad day. } Anyway, you have to start thinking about what type of card you want to send, where to buy them from, how many to send, who needs to be added to or removed from this year’s list… and of course, whether or not you’re going to include a photo.

This is the question that tripped me up this year. Photo or no photo? 

We’ve been married for 3 Christmases so far, and we’ve sent out a photo card for all three. For your viewing pleasure…

Aren’t we cute? 🙂

The thing is, we sent out a few cute just-the-two-of-us photo Christmas cards, and I thought, it’s cute, because we’re newlyweds, but in the back of my head, each year I’ve been thinking, okay next year we’ll have a baby in the picture, or at least a maternity photo… and then, well okay next year we’ll have a baby in the picture… and approaching Christmas #4, that still hasn’t happened yet.

So this fall, I started questioning whether we should really do a photo card this year. I mean, we’re not newlyweds anymore, so we don’t have that cuteness going for us, and there’s no baby, no pregnancy announcement — not even a dog! — to show off in our photo. 

I wondered, is it worth sending out a photo card? Is it weird if it’s still just the two of us? People don’t really care what the two of us look like, right?

I posed this question to an online ladies’ group I’m part of, and got an overwhelming number of responses! I’ll share a few of them with you, to give you an idea:

• I love it. I wish more couples would do annual pictures like families with kids do. We became a family when we said ‘I do’! 
• We did it before our daughter, and I love getting picture cards from couples. 
• I certainly wouldn’t think it was weird if a couple sent me a card with their picture on it. I much prefer picture cards to ‘just a signature’ cards.
• I think it’s nice to share pictures of what the two of you have been up to.
• We’ve been married for seven years and we always send a picture of us!
• Get a really cute picture from a special trip or something. Show them there is life without kids! 

They convinced me! We will be sending out a photo card again this Christmas. Because you know what? Like that last comment said, there is life outside of having kids. We may be ‘in between’ right now — no longer newlyweds and not yet parents — but we have a good life right now, with tons of adventure, love, and laughter! There is joy in the journey. And that is worth sharing with people — a small snapshot moment of that good life. 

So whether you are single, engaged, newlyweds, long-time-weds, parents, waiting-to-be-parents, never-want-to-be-parents, or empty-nesters, I want to encourage you to consider sending out a fun photo card this Christmas season!

Because why not? You’re beautiful. You’re loved. The people who love you do care about what you’re up to, what your life is like, and yes, even what you look like.

And this journey you’re on, this season you’re in — it matters. So smile and share it!

30 People, Day 31: My Support System

 

Shout-Out to my online girls, my support community, my sisterhood. In all the one in four or one in ten statistics, we are the “ones.”

As we walk the road of miscarriage, a hormonal disorder, and fertility struggles, I’m so grateful to have friends to walk beside who truly understand. Y’all have been a lifesaver on this journey, but even more, you’ve been a highlight of the journey! I thank God for the sweet blessing of friendships that grow out of walking a hard season together.

I haven’t met most of you face-to-face, yet we talk about very personal details of our lives, sharing joys and sorrows, hopes and fears. I can count on you to have a listening ear, speak a word of encouragement, remind me to smile, and pray for me. You are the ones who “get” me, because you’re right where I am.

Thanks for sharing your lives with me in this season.

30 People, Day 30: My Husband

 

Shout-Out to Brett, my handsome, long-awaited husband.

There are two seasons of my life: before you, and with you. Both seasons have been rich in blessings, adventures, grief, and laughter… but I’d way rather be experiencing all of that with you than without.

Waiting for you challenged my faith, grew my patience, and taught me to find my satisfaction in the Lord. You took 27 long years to come to me, and there were many of those waiting days that were heart-wrenchingly lonely. But God always has purpose in our waiting seasons, and I’m so thankful He was keeping my heart safe for you.

And marriage! What an adventure. Life with you is so fun, and I’m always learning something new — whether a skill or fact you teach me, a life lesson we learn together by experience, or some hidden thing about my own personality that marriage illuminates. You’ve given me fresh perspectives on God by loving me in a Christlike way and by living out a Christ-focused life in front of me.

You’ve changed my life in all the best possible ways, and I love you for that and a million other reasons.

Photo Credit: David Payne Photography

30 People, Day 29: Camp Friends, Round 2

 

Shout-Out to the girls who welcomed me in, became my not-just-camp-friends-but-also-lifelong-friends, and made my first year at Echo Ranch wonderful and memorable…. and the subsequent ones pretty great, too!

To Courtney, who texted me nonstop for months before I came to Alaska, making me feel like I already had a friend when I arrived, and who I’ve spent probably hours texting, laughing, and crying with since then.

To Myriah, who became an instant friend, promptly told me what I could and couldn’t wear on my first day at camp, and has kept me laughing ever since.

 

To Chelsea, who didn’t want to be here at first, but I had the privilege of watching God change your mind; who became one of my best friends and then, in a fairy-tale-ish turn of events, became my sister-in-law.

To Reagan and Erin: though we haven’t done great at keeping in touch since camp, you two were vital in my life that first summer, as well! Thanks for modeling Jesus to me so well.

I’m grateful to each one of you ladies for all the memories made and friendships built in our years together, first at camp, and then beyond!

30 People, Day 28: That One Guy

 

Shout-Out to that one guy I met at that conference that one time. I don’t even really remember your name, but I think you were from Canada…? Anyway, we chatted briefly and sat at the same table at lunch that one day, and it was pleasant.

The important thing is what you looked like, because the next day, I saw I guy who I thought was you, so I smiled and said “hey.” As it turned out, it wasn’t you. But it was your look-alike… who happened to be the guy who would end up recruiting me to go work at a camp in Alaska!

And at that camp in Alaska, I met my husband, and we are going on year #6 on staff there, so I think it’s safe to say: what you looked like changed my life. High fives, Canadian guy.

 

Challenge to readers:
Has someone changed your life in a domino-effect kind of way? Tell us about it in the comments! 

30 People, Day 27: The Girl He Loved Instead

 

Shout-Out to her.

The her of all the sad and angry lamenting love songs… the I’m-jealous-of-her, I-hate-her, why-can’t-I-be-her, what-does-he-see-in-her… yeah, that girl.

A shout-out to you, because you stole his heart when I wanted it, but it wasn’t meant for me. You caused me heartache, but you saved me from it, too. That no led me to a bigger and better yes, down the road, and though it crushed me at the time, in hindsight, I can be grateful he loved you instead.

And because the loneliness I felt watching him with you — well, it drove me a little crazy, but it also drove me to my knees to beg God for contentment and patience. I may have spent hours crying over him and wishing he’d never met you. I may or may not have wanted to smash your car at one point. { come on, we all know these situations lead us to crazy thoughts! } But at the same time, the place of prayer and surrender I had to come to — not just once, but every day — was good for me. God was teaching me and growing me through that season of heartbreak.

So, as bitter as it was at the time, I have to say thank you!

 

{ NOTE: This shout-out applies to more than one her. I can think of 3 different girls this applies to, off the top of my head, but there are probably more! }

 

Challenge to readers:
Can you appreciate now someone who caused you heartache in the past, such as the girl your crush liked instead? Share in the comments! 

30 People, Day 26: Lisa the Encourager

 

Shout-Out to Lisa — coworker, friend, professional compliment-er!

You taught me just as much as Alan did about camp ministry and management, as you and I worked side by side in the camp office. You, like he did, believed in me and gave me jobs that were opportunities for stretching and growth. On top of that, you were also a dear friend I enjoyed sharing work and life – and lots of laughs! – with.

But one of the things that made the biggest impact was the way you poured out praise and encouragement. You were never stingy with your compliments – as many of us tend to be – and I often saw you make someone’s day because of it. From me designing a new camp brochure, to Ben cleaning the bunkhouse, to the cashier at Kroger, whoever it was, you’re quick to bring a smile to faces with your generous encouragement. And I was impressed to want to do the same!

 

30 People, Day 25: The Boss

 

Shout-Out to Alan, my old boss at Camp Ba Yo Ca, for taking under your wing a visionary young woman who thought she wanted to be a camp director someday.

You gave me a job and an opportunity to see the world of camp management from the inside. That was huge for me. But you went a step further — you took me to board meetings with you, let me play a part in important decisions, gave me responsibilities that stretched my comfort zone. You simultaneously believed in my big dreams to run a camp, and showed me that it’s not quite as glamorous a job as I imagined.

I learned so much from my job with you, things that I’ve carried into my current camp job and will carry into any ministry or job in the future. Thanks for those valuable lessons! { and also for calling me knuckle-head every single morning. }

30 People, Day 24: Charleston Friends

 

Shout-Out to to Amanda, Kelsey, and Alisha — if I’d just said ‘Charleston Friends,’ you would’ve known I meant you, right? Because we still can’t get together without someone saying, “Remember that time we went to Charleston?” 

We are such an unlikely group of friends, I don’t know how it even happened except that God threw us together and said “You all need each other!” And I guess we did! From the unexpected beginnings of our friendships, to now — we’ve had coffee dates, sleepovers, honest heart-to-hearts, endless inside jokes, prayer sessions, jam sessions, photo sessions, Skype chats, and of course, that one time in Charleston — and each of you has been a dear friend to me.

Thanks for brightening my 20’s… and beyond!

Photo credit: David Payne Photography

30 People, Day 23: Bible Study Girls

 

Shout-Out to Sherri and the rest of the Bible study girls! { y’all know who you are }

Wow — you ladies, our friendships, and our season of studying the Word together were so impactful. I marveled, looking back, because just a couple months before our group came into being, I had written a prayer in my journal, telling God I wanted to pursue knowing Him better. When I’d written it, I had felt like I was embarking on a new journey spiritually…. and as it turned out, I was, and you girls were a huge part of the answer to that prayer! Soon after, I was invited into this new, kinda grassroots Bible study group, experiencing God and learning new depths of His Word every week.

One of the things that stands out in my memory is the vulnerable openness many of you had. I hadn’t experienced much of that before, and certainly hadn’t yet learned to be that way myself { I’m still learning! } . But it was amazing to me, how painfully honest and open each of you were with your hearts and your prayers. Thank you for that.

And thanks for that season in the Word and fellowship together. It was beautiful!

30 People, Day 22: Jenny

 

Shout-Out to Jenny: While you lived, you made everyone’s world a little brighter, and when you died, you made us realize the value of a life lived well, no matter how long.

Though we had fallen out of touch in the last couple of years before your accident, you were still a friend who was much like a little sister. Our childhood sleepovers, birthday parties, and conversations about life, love, and growing up – sweet memories. As a friend a few years older, it was a privilege to share my experiences and advice when you asked for it.

But your biggest impact on me came at your funeral. You had really grown, in those last couple of years, into a kindhearted person who truly loved the people around you. Testimony after testimony shared how you had loved them well, brightened their day, changed their life, with your sunny smile, welcoming nature, and genuine friendship. You made such a difference for so many, in such simple ways, and by that, you made me want to live and love better.

I still sprinkle touches of yellow, your favorite color, throughout my wardrobe and my home, as a reminder – be bright and loving for others, like Jenny was.

30 People, Day 21: Sweet Ruth

 

Shout-Out to Sweet Ruth — When we first met on a missions trip, I didn’t think we’d be friends, but boy was I wrong! A few years later, you moved to the States, and we had one of those awkward “hey-we-should-probably-be-friends-so-let’s-go-to-lunch-and-try-to-get-to-know-each-other-better” lunch dates. The rest is history, as they say. You quickly became one of my dearest friends! I love all the memories we shared over those years.

And to this day, your story still inspires me. During the season of what was probably your worst trial, my faith grew so much as I watched the Lord work on your behalf. When I saw what He did for you, I knew He could do anything! And you have always been so full of faith and peace — even in the face of terrible trials and danger, your trust in the Lord keeps you steady.

Thank you for a beautiful testimony of walking by faith…. and for a fun, adventurous, and encouraging friendship!

Challenge to readers:
Is there someone who, as you’ve observed their testimony of faith lived out, your faith has been strengthened? Share in the comments – and be sure to share it with them, too. It will encourage them to know that their story helped you! 

30 People, Day 20: My Campers

 

Shout-Out to the girls who stretched my faith and my comfort zone, further than I knew they could be stretched. The girls who asked me hard questions, who shared with me the deep heartaches you’d experienced in your young lives, who expressed a love for learning the Word of God, and who I told to “get your shoes on; it’s time to go” approximately twelve times a day.

My campers, you were all precious to me, and I was grateful for the chance to {hopefully} positively influence and pour some love into each one of your lives.

It was a growing experience, for sure. I was still learning who God is and what I believe; still figuring out the person I was becoming. And to be entrusted with your young, searching hearts for five days of camp was a huge responsibility and honor. So yes, you stretched me further than I’d been stretched before. You made me a leader. You made me want to be a better Christ-follower. You made me laugh my head off and you made me search God’s Word for answers. You, collectively, changed my life.

Challenge to readers:
Have you had a leadership opportunity that changed your life? How did those you led have an impact on you? 

30 People, Day 19: "Mama Kim"

 

Shout-Out to ‘Mama Kim’ for your example of hospitality. Each Monday night, a loud group of young adults piled into your living room, energetic and hungry, and you never failed to feed us well. As your husband led our Bible study, your role was in the kitchen, preparing loads of delicious food for us.

It’s evident that cooking, serving, and being hospitable are your God-given gifts, and we – that group of college kids – were so grateful you shared that with us. But beyond that, your example inspired me to want to be hospitable like that with my own home. Whether it’s a gang of kids for a Bible study, or simply our own group of friends, I always want to be able to open my doors, my arms, and my oven to make people feel welcome. Thanks for that inspiration.

 

Challenge to readers:
Give a shout-out to someone who always makes you feel extra-welcomed and loved in their home. 

30 People, Day 18: A Man Who Prayed

 

Shout-Out to Alan, who sat in front of my family at church, helped lead the college & career small group I attended, and who really, truly cared.

What I appreciated the most was that when you asked how someone was doing, you actually wanted to know, really took time to stop and listen. And when I – or anyone – needed prayer, you prayed, right then and there.

I think you must have been the first person I knew to do that, because it really had an impact on me. This many years later, I probably don’t remember any of the lessons you taught at small group, but I remember your heart… and that you prayed. Thank you.

 

Challenge to readers:
If there has been someone in your life who stands out as truly caring and actively praying, be sure to thank them for it! 

30 People, Day 17: Miss Fran

 

Shout-Out to Miss Fran – you taught me a lot about life, joy, love, what’s really important, and what kind of old lady I want to be. Through our many hours of visits at your retirement home, later the nursing home, and finally on the hospital bed where you left this world to meet Jesus, I saw a lady who minimized her struggles and simply loved people and enjoyed life. Though your husband was gone, you had no children, and your eyesight had nearly left you, you always found something to be grateful for, and you loved to love on people. You’re an inspiration and an example.

 

Challenge to readers:
In the comments below, tell us about an older person who has inspired you. 

30 People, Day 16: Camp Friends

 

Shout-Out to Leslie and Rachel, the two who helped me survive my first-ever week of camp counseling.

It started at Counselor Orientation; we were in a cabin together, and our whole cabin group was such an encouragement to me. Up to that point in life, I had never sat and had a deep, spiritual conversation with someone I barely knew. That aspect of the training week was a huge life milestone for me.

Then came my first week of counseling a cabin — and boy, that cabin was a handful! I was unprepared for what I encountered, and a lot of tears were shed that week. The two of you were lifesavers, encouragers, uplifters. You left notes on my bunk and gave hugs when I was weak.

Thank you for helping me power through that difficult week, because that was the beginning of God calling me into full-time camp ministry. You made a lasting difference I will always appreciate.

Challenge to readers: 
Who was a friend who helped you through something challenging, just by being there and being an encouragement? Let them know their support was appreciated!

30 People, Day 15: Youth Group Welcomers

 

Shout-Out to Bethany and Candace: two girls who welcomed a misfit teen homeschooler into youth group with open arms. I’m ever so grateful!

After growing up in a small home church where most of the kids were younger than me and at least half were homeschooled, I was quite nervous about attending a youth group for the first time. I was seventeen, sheltered from the world, and had no idea how to dress stylishly.

The two of you were the first people I met. You were so friendly, invited me to join your Sunday School small group, introduced me to others, and it wasn’t just a welcoming committee thing – you continued to be my friends for weeks and months after that. As I met more people and figured out how to fit into the group, it was so nice to have familiar friends around whom I’d known from the start. Thank you for opening your arms and heart to welcome me in as a friend.

 

Challenge to readers:
Was there ever someone who made you feel welcome somewhere you felt out-of-place? It makes a big difference! Today, reach out and let them know their kindness was appreciated. 

30 People, Day 14: Pastor Jeff

 

Shout-Out to Pastor Jeff, for all I learned in the season under your leadership. I had a pretty poor attitude about moving from a small home church to a traditional Baptist church when my family made that change, but God knew that’s right where I needed to be. So I thank you…

• For teaching us about revival and to pray for big things.
• For leading mission trips to Guatemala that broadened my view of the world and launched me into pursuing full-time missions.
• For not being afraid to say hard things from the pulpit.
• For being open to “new” forms of worship such as a dance team, that allowed me to use God-given gifts to lead in worship.
• For shepherding a church, for a season, under which I grew tremendously in my walk with the Lord. I will always appreciate your leadership as my pastor during that time.

 

Challenge to readers:
October is Pastor Appreciation Month, so I encourage you to take the time to reach out and let your church leaders – past and present – know how much you appreciate their spiritual leadership and support! 

30 People, Day 13: Penny

 

Shout-Out to Penny, the first adult friend who treated me like an adult. I was a young teenager in a very small church, the only girl my own age and uncomfortably stuck between the kids and the grown-ups. Feeling too old and mature to be with the children, and seen by the adults as a “sweet young lady” but not yet old enough to be accepted into their circles, I was always feeling out of place, and that made church kinda rough.

You were the one adult in church who reached out to me, not as one of the kids, but as a friend. You were willing to listen to me share my heart, to give advice, and even to share with me what the Lord was teaching you. You treated me like a real, grown-up friend, and I appreciated that more than you know. Thanks for your acceptance, friendship, and investment into my life.

 

Challenge to readers:
Who was someone who helped you make the transition from childhood to adulthood, someone who kindly welcomed you into growing up?