In this sporadic and indefinite blog series, I am sharing bits and parts of the adoption process, with three goals: first, to provide updates to people in our lives who are interested. Second, to educate; to share what’s involved and what we’re experiencing and help people understand the adoption process better. And third, to hopefully encourage and provide some guidance to others who may be considering adoption or walking this road a few steps behind us.
For many people, the adoption home study seems intimidating, maybe even terrifying. Expectations cast the image of a stranger coming into your home to inspect your cleaning habits, decorating tastes, and how many millimeters of dust are on your book shelf…. and on top of that, asking probing personal questions about your life!
I don’t think anyone finds that a pleasant idea.
Today, I just want to dispel a few myths and, if you’re dreading your home inspection, hopefully put your mind at ease. I’ve also noticed that many people don’t realize there is more to the home study than the home inspection, assuming the two are synonymous, and I want to share what all the home study entailed for us.
1. The home visit is just one piece of the home study puzzle.
The home inspection is the part most people get hung up on, but there is so much more! The purpose of a home study is to get a FULL picture of who you are as a person/couple/family, in order to determine if you’re ready to adopt and what type of child will best fit into your family.
Here’s the including-but-not-limited-to list of what we had to complete for our home study:
-Health history forms
-Physicals and bill of health from doctor
-Financial Statement (including figuring our net worth as a couple)
-Autobiography questionnaires
-Five personal references
-Letter of employment
-Background checks and fingerprinting
-Child abuse clearances
-oh yeah, and the home visit!
2. The visit is not a white glove test.
The social worker doesn’t want or expect your home to be spotless and gorgeous. She wants to see who you are and what your home is like! There are no cookie-cutter families. The advice we were given was to clean up the house as though someone was coming over for dinner (but also going to peek in all your bedrooms!). So, you know – put away the laundry, run a vacuum over the carpet, clean the toilet. Basic stuff. The social worker will want to see all the rooms of your home to get a feel of the layout and any potential safety concerns, but she is not there to judge your housekeeping habits.
If you already have children, they will likely expect your house to be child/baby-proof (outlet covers, chemicals locked away, etc). Since we don’t have kids yet, our social worker only wanted to know that we understood baby-proofing and that we had plans to take care of it by the time she comes for a post-placement visit.
3. Yes, there will be probing personal questions.
Yes, it’s uncomfortable. But it’s part of the process. Through both the autobiography questionnaires and the in-home interviews with the social worker, we were asked our childhoods, our families, how we were raised and disciplined, our marriage (including what first drew us to each other, how we communicate, and what kind of things we have conflict over), any previous relationships prior to each other, our physical health, our spiritual views and values, our thoughts on adoption…. the list goes on.
Some people are offended by having their personal lives so deeply investigated in this process. Is it all necessary? Probably not. No one gets so thoroughly interviewed before giving birth to a child, right?! But as it stands, this is a necessary part of the adoption process. So we roll with it.
Besides, it’s kind of interesting to read your own life history written through someone else’s perspective!
4. Be yourself, because nothing is new under the sun.
One of the things that surprised me most about our in-home interview was how many times I heard the social worker say, “Oh yes, a family I visited last week told me the same thing” or “I worked with another family who also [fill in the blank].” It put me at ease, really, knowing that as a home study writer, she has practically seen it all. Nothing we said took her off-guard, even quirky things about our life that we thought would be weird or embarrassing.
Just remember there’s nothing new under the sun, and if your social worker has been doing this for long, she’s probably seen it all, too. So be yourself, be real, and don’t try to sugarcoat your life. They want to know who you really are, and their goal is to help you grow your family through adoption.
The home study – and the home visit – is a big, time-consuming part of the adoption process. But it’s not as scary as it might seem. My biggest advice? 1) Be real. 2) Don’t stress out. 3) Be prepared for a lot of forms and give yourself plenty of time, because paperwork will be your full time job for a few weeks!
