where I am.

Hello friends.
I'm writing today from a Starbucks in my Tennessee hometown.  Sipping a tall vanilla latte and enjoying the quiet sounds of the coffee shop, I'm feeling like writing something, so I decided maybe I'd give this blog some of the attention it's been lacking.

I've been home from Alaska for three and a half weeks now.  It's been pretty warm and humid here in east TN, but this week it's actually starting to feel like fall -- 61 outside right now.  I guess I'm still kind of "acclimated" to Alaska weather, since I think it feels great while my family is wearing jackets and saying it's too cold.  After wearing jeans, sweatshirts, and rain boots for so much of the last 6 months, I'm hanging on to my warm-weather clothes as long as possible!

It has been good to be home.  I've really enjoyed catching up with family and friends who I hadn't seen since April.  Hearing real Southern accents again is nice.  And though I'm job-hunting now, God was super gracious to give me a season of just resting and reflecting for a couple of weeks.  I really, really needed that.  It's been beautiful to have essentially nothing needing my immediate attention, and to be able to spend as much time as I want just being quiet with the Lord -- reading, journaling, writing letters, praying, worshiping, dreaming -- as well as spending good time with my family and friends.  I realize that's not how life can stay, nor would I want it to, but it has definitely been a peaceful blessing.

So now I'm looking for the elusive answer to that always-present question.... "what's next?"  A job. An apartment. Ministry. Travel. Fundraising. Back to Alaska. All the things that are running through my mind as possibilities.  I feel torn in different directions and flustered by the decisions.  Part of me wants to just stay in that quiet place, but I know that I'll continue to abide and enjoy time with Him and "be still and know," even as life gets a little more busy.

The question is, what is going to fill my days between now and April, when I plan to go back to Juneau?  I want to be intentional and purposeful about that, not just "let whatever happen."  This is such a strange in-between season.  An "off-season," in a sense.  Off from the busyness -- and the purpose -- of full-time ministry.  I miss that.  The sense of purpose.  The energy and drive of continual ministry.  The community.  And Alaska.  I miss Alaska, too.

And probably I should stop writing now, because this is turning into a novel of all my feelings and woes!

I'm grateful for my life.  Really grateful.  It's a good life.  I love being a missionary, even if it's not full-time yet.  And this off-season will hold good things, too.  One day at a time, right?

God reminded me this morning, "You have enclosed me behind and before; and laid Your hand upon me" (Psalm 139:5).  Zechariah 2:5 echoes this thought:  "For I, declares the Lord, will be a wall of fire around her, and I will be the glory in her midst."  Beautiful.  He's got me.  And He's got you, whatever season you're walking through.  Don't forget it.  You're beautifully loved and held.

Ashley