The Music of the Messy Seasons

 

Isn’t it interesting how music can take us instantly back to certain times and places in our lives, and rekindle the emotion as real as if it was yesterday?

It seems like some of the seasons of my life have had their own theme songs — the songs I played on repeat, sang my heart out to, worshiped God with, and shed tears over. The songs that perfectly summed up my feelings. The songs that helped me get through it, whatever “it” was in that season.

And when I hear those songs now, I’m transported back, to places that were so real and so wrenching then, but just memories now. Distanced from it by time, I can smile about it now. Shake my head at what a mess that girl was. And marvel at what God did in and through the mess.

Tonight I put my music on shuffle, and Britt Nicole’s song “Set the World on Fire” came on. I had to smile, and was immediately kind of nostalgic, because I remembered that season, the season when I played this song on repeat.

Oh, that season.

I was living alone, and at times it was really lonely, but at times I really loved it. Those months were formative. I had lots of time alone with God. I had lots of growing to do. And I grew, that season, into a new person.

I was a wreck, in some ways. Confused about where my life was going, what I was supposed to do next, and how to figure it out. I was completely in love with the completely wrong guy, and I cried tears over him probably at least twice a week.

I longed to do something that mattered, to make a difference in the world. Yet I had no idea what that meant or where God would lead me. I banged my head against closed doors. God was teaching me to wait.

That season seems so long ago now. Yet when that song played tonight, it felt like just yesterday. It’s a good reminder of how far God has brought me, so I thank Him for bringing me through that season and making me stronger because of it. It’s also a humbling reminder of what a mess I’m still prone to be, and how dependent I am on God’s grace and leading daily.

Because – though the circumstances are different – I still do the same things. Don’t we all? We bang against doors that God has already shut. We’re confused, wandering, questioning. We’re stubborn and impatient.

But how gracious our Lord is! He’s so patient with us. In His wise way, He’ll lead us to the right thing at the right time, and cause us to look back on the messy seasons with a grateful – though perhaps pained – smile.

I just love Him; don’t you?