When You Can't Make Eye Contact With God

One of my Spiritual Goals for March was, “Engage with Him throughout the day.” 

Why is this one of my focus areas? What does it mean?

A couple of years ago, I read the book Every Bitter Thing is Sweet by Sara Hagerty, and besides being perfect for the season of loss I was in at that time, it also really impacted how I look at my relationship with God. The way Sara writes about her time in the Word, prayer, and just daily interactions with the Lord is so sweet, simple, and sincere – it made me long to be nearer to Him myself.

On page 94 in the book, Sara writes,

“Adoration is exploration. The Father loves to be explored.” 

Doesn’t that ring true? Don’t even we, as women, feel extra-loved when someone we love and trust explores the depths of us, seeking to really know our story and our heart?

Allow yourself to even think physically for a moment…. Don’t we, as wives, love to be physically explored by our adoring husband?

Adoration is exploration. And even God Himself loves when we explore Him, seeking to know Him more deeply.

More recently – just a few months ago – I recognized a tendency in myself to ignore God during my everyday life. And not just neglecting to seek and explore Him, but actually almost avoiding Him.

I read something in a book or blog (I can’t remember where) that talked about the Father being here with me in my everyday life… seeing me, looking at me, loving me. And it struck me – I’d been refusing to look back at Him. Averting my eyes. Subconsciously thinking that, if I don’t meet His gaze, I can avoid hard conversations and painful realities.

At that moment, He whispered that He just wants me to look back at Him. He’s here, in my everyday, getting on my level, wanting to gaze into my eyes and tell me what’s on His heart. And I was going about my busyness and distraction, avoiding eye contact. 

It’s like seeing someone you know at the grocery store but ducking into the next aisle, not acknowledging them because you really don’t want to get into a conversation. (tell me I’m not the only one who does that?!) 

Except it’s not just an acquaintance at the store. It’s the Lord of my heart, the One who died for me, the One who loves me more than anyone else. So why do I ignore Him, walk on as if He’s not even there?

Maybe because I know He’ll go straight for the heart, not leaving the hurts untouched. Maybe because it’s less scary to hold Him at arms’ length, than to let Him in and let Him explore my depths. 

At the beginning of this year, I committed to not be satisfied with just a daily quiet time to check off a box, but to make the effort to explore a new season of my relationship with the Lord… finding Him in new ways and new places, exploring Him, learning His depths and letting Him into mine.

And part of that is to simply acknowledge Him in my everyday. To feel when He’s looking at me, when He’s near, and to take a deep breath and gaze back at Him. To acknowledge that He’s there. To say hello. To worship. To let Him look into my heart, and to talk to Him about what’s there. 

I know He’ll be kind and gentle. He’s not rough with our hearts. He adores us. He’s not looking to punch the buttons that cause us pain. Where there is pain, He wants to bring comfort, understanding, peace, and healing.

But we have to be brave enough to let Him in. Because our Father loves to be explored by His adoring children…. and He also, who adores us, longs to explore our hearts.