The Decision to Adopt

 

I’ve been asked several times if I’m going to blog about our adoption journey. While I honestly hadn’t even thought about, I guess the answer is yes. I won’t blog about every detail, but I will share bits and parts of the process, with three goals: first, to provide updates to people in our lives who are interested. Second, to educate; to share what’s involved and what we’re experiencing and help people understand the adoption process better. And third, to hopefully encourage and provide some guidance to others who may be considering adoption or walking this road a few steps behind us. 

 

The Decision to Adopt

Near the end of November 2017, we sat on our couch, filled out a little online form, and paid an application fee, a three-hundred-dollar confirmation that we were committed, that we were really doing this thing.

This thing: adopting a baby.

It was quick and simple, but it felt momentous. Clicking that submit button was the culmination of what God had been working in us for the past weeks, months, even years. This was the “official” beginning of our adoption efforts — the start of the endless online forms and the first three hundred of many, many hundreds — but our journey to adoption had begun long before, in tearful prayers and hard conversations, in broken hearts and disagreements and hope and research and surrender.

And at this crossroads in the journey, when we moved from talking to doing, we knew – without a doubt – that God was calling us to adopt. The road signs were clear; He left little room for doubt. So, despite being slightly terrified, in trust we took the first step.

Deciding to adopt isn’t a quick or easy decision. It’s life-changing… I would venture to say, even more life-changing than deciding to try to get pregnant. Both, hopefully, result in adding a baby to your family. But along with that baby, adopting also brings a stressfully-indefinite waiting period (could be weeks, could be years), enough paperwork to make filling out paperwork your full time job, thousands of dollars of expenses that insurance doesn’t cover, a whole second family – your baby’s biological family – to navigate relationships with, and the challenge of bonding with a child you didn’t give birth to. There is so much more to it than “getting a baby.” So it’s not a decision to be made lightly.

 

In my humble and barely-experienced opinion, here are a few specifics to consider if you are thinking about growing your family through adoption:

> Consider the magnitude of what you will take on. See the points above – the time, the emotional investment, the challenges. Adopting truly is a journey, not a one-time event. Ask yourself whether you are mentally and emotionally ready to take this on.

> Consider your motives. Adoption is NOT:  an easy way to have a baby, a cool thing to do, or a good deed to “rescue” a child.

> Consider the cost. I don’t think the financial cost should stop anyone from adopting, if that’s the direction you are being led, but it is something to take into consideration. You may need to use a large portion of your savings, and if you don’t have $20k-50k lying around, you’ll need to commit a decent amount of time to fundraising and/or applying for grants.

> Consider where you are in your fertility efforts, if applicable. Moving your focus from trying to conceive to trying to adopt can be a hard mindset shift. Give yourself time to recover and refocus before making a decision about adoption. This cannot be an in-the-moment, emotional choice made when a fertility treatment fails.

> Consider your spouse’s stance. It often takes time for both spouses to be on the same page about adoption. My husband and I were on different pages for months, and yes, it’s hard for the one who is ready and just waiting for the other to catch up! But it’s so worth it to both be in total agreement as you take this life-changing step. Pray for unity. Don’t rush it.

> Consider God’s leading. God’s heart is for adoption. His heart is for orphans, for childless mamas, and for families. He finds adoption beautiful. But it’s also true that not everyone is ready, able, or called to take this step. We each have a different journey that the Lord is leading us on. Seek Him, and He will make it clear to you what is His calling for your family.