Domestic Infant Adoption: First Steps

 

In this sporadic and indefinite blog series, I am sharing bits and parts of the adoption process, with three goals: first, to provide updates to people in our lives who are interested. Second, to educate; to share what’s involved and what we’re experiencing and help people understand the adoption process better. And third, to hopefully encourage and provide some guidance to others who may be considering adoption or walking this road a few steps behind us. 

This installment in the series is for those who have made the decision to pursue a domestic infant adoption  and who are wondering what their first steps should be. At this point, everything is exciting and utterly overwhelming! I hope to provide you with a few guidelines to help you navigate your first steps toward adopting a baby.

• Choose your agency, attorney, or consultant.

I’m not trying to scare you, but this is a BIG choice and there are a LOT of options. There are so many things to consider when choosing your adoption provider. First, let’s talk about the differences between agencies, attorneys, and consultants.

An adoption agency is a business that typically handles your whole adoption process, from home study through finalization. They work with both hopeful adoptive parents and birth parents, and handle the matching process. Depending on the size of the agency, they might complete anywhere from 10 to 300 matches per year. Agency fees are typically pretty high, but again, they are a “one-stop” option that takes care of everything.

An adoption consultant helps you network with more than one agency, so that you get exposure to more expectant mothers. The consultant charges a flat fee to basically be your guide or go-to person during your adoption — they will provide you a list of the agencies they network with, help you find someone to do your home study, and answer your questions along the way. Once you’re matched with an expectant mother through one of the agencies, you’ll then owe agency fees to them as well.

An adoption attorney may work as an independent or with a law firm. This option generally provides you with less hands-on guidance along the way. You’ll probably need to find someone to complete your home study before you can be “on file” with an attorney as a prospective adoptive parent.

As you research your options, you’ll find that there are many, many adoption providers out there! To help with the decision, you should determine your criteria, and then ask questions like these:

-What is the typical cost of an adoption?
-Do they work with families in your state / specific situation?
-What is their average wait time?
-What services do they provide for expectant/birth mothers?
-Do they require any training upfront?

I recommend Googling reviews for each provider you are considering, and be sure to read reviews from birth parents as well as adoptive parents. How an agency treats expectant/birth mothers is very important, if you want to do this ethically! In addition, as you read their websites, take a look at the portion of the website that is aimed toward mothers making an adoption plan for their baby. What does it convey? Is it respectful and loving? Is it coercive? This should factor into your choice, too.

Image by Free Photos from Pixabay

• Start your home study.

Depending on your choice of adoption provider, the home study will likely be provided by your agency. If not, you’ll need to find a social worker or home study writer who you can independently contract with. Ask your agency, consultant, or attorney for recommendations. You could also check with your local child services office. I have another post on the home study for you to read when that time comes!

• Discuss what you’re open to.

The question will likely be on your agency application, and will definitely be part of your home study: what types of situations / children are you open to? I’ll go ahead and say it: this is a HARD conversation, but a necessary one. You and your spouse will need to deeply and honestly consider your openness to:
-gender
-ethnicity
-special needs
-drug exposure
-future contact with birth family

Image by rawpixel from Pixabay

• Start collecting photos for your family profile.

Your family profile is what will be shown to expectant mothers to help them choose the family they want to adopt their baby. It’s a summary of your life and who you are, in photos and a few paragraphs! Your agency, consultant, or attorney will give you guidelines for creating a profile book. Some want only a front-and-back page. Our consultant asked us to make a 25-page book!! You can start by going through your recent photos (the past 2-3 years; keep it current!) and choosing favorites that represent your family and what your life is like. If you don’t have very many photos, get out your phone and start capturing those everyday moments!

• Share your news ( or don’t ).

You might be bursting to shout your news from the roof tops, or you might prefer to keep it private for now. Either way is fine, but be sure you and your spouse are in agreement on WHO you tell and WHEN. For us, we waited until we were accepted to an agency before telling anyone.

 

Starting the adoption process is overwhelming. I hope these tips will help give you some direction for taking your first steps. Above all, keep praying over your adoption journey, and your future baby and his/her birth mama. Invite people you trust to join you in prayer over these BIG decisions you need to make. And just take it one step at a time!