On turning 33 and what's bothering me

I turned 33 this weekend, and I have a lot of mixed feelings about it.

On one end of the spectrum:
Last night I nearly had a meltdown over being “almost 40.” For context, a few days ago, Brett and I had just been discussing how the last decade seems to have flown by. As we pondered how we’ve been married 5 years, working at Echo Ranch 7 years, and Brett moved back to Juneau 10 years ago, we realized that it has gone by quickly. We were both feeling like our 20’s should have been just yesterday!

So when I had the “lightbulb moment” of realizing the next 7 years will likely pass just as quickly, I had a moment of panic and wailed, “I’m not ready to be almost 40!”  

On the other end of the spectrum:
I recently read about the current cultural trend of making 33 a year of personal growth. Based on the fact that Jesus died and resurrected at age 33, some are calling it a “Jesus Year,” but the basic idea is young adults are designating this age as the year to get their life together, to focus on personal growth, to stop coasting and start pedaling. Of course a “Jesus Year” is not taught in the Bible, but the idea seems to be somewhat popular in mainstream culture right now. I find it interesting that people are acknowledging the significance of Jesus’ 33rd year, and thereby being motivated to grow up and make positive life changes in their own. It’s a flawed concept, but not a bad one.

While I know there’s no special magic to 33 or any other number, I am moved to view my upcoming year through these lenses of intentionality and purpose, and to ask the Lord for His vision for my next 365 days. If time is flying and 40 is indeed fast-approaching, then it’s a good time to take a look at my life and make sure I am living it well. So far, my list of hopes for the year ranges from losing weight to writing a book!

Emily P Freeman is one of my favorite authors / podcasters, and today I read this quote from her:

” ‘What’s bothering you’ could be the most revolutionary question we ask ourselves. What’s bothering us is actually the starting point for all meaningful change we’ve ever made.” 

So, as I ponder the growth I would like to see in my own year of being 33 — and beyond — perhaps this is the question I’ll ask: what’s bothering me? In my circumstances, in my relationships, in my soul, in the world around me, what do I want to see changed? What does the Spirit, God-within-me, want to change? When I consider being “almost 40,” what should be different? Who knows what ideas, goals, and lasting change might sprout from that seed of a question!

It’s going to be a good year.