2013 Goals

It's a new year!  Twenty-twelve definitely held some good stuff and some hard stuff....as all years do.  I'm super excited for what 2013 will hold.  Yesterday God showed me the Scripture above, Isaiah 34:18-19, reminding me that He has new things in store, and He alone can make a way where there seems to be no way!  So bring on 2013...bring on the new!!

Okay, so I wanted to share some of my goals -- "resolutions" if you will -- for this year.  The CCCA conference I went to at the beginning of December was kind of a "re-starting point" for me.  One of my biggest take-aways from the conference was BE INTENTIONAL.  Figure out what your priorities are, what's important to you, where you want to be by the end of the year, and MAKE IT HAPPEN.  As I remain a single woman for now, I want to be intentional about my personal growth as a godly woman, as a future wife and mom, and as a leader.

One of the speakers I heard at the conference, Dr. Tim Elmore, challenged us to choose several areas that we want to improve/grow in this year, then set some intentional and practical goals to help us grow in those areas.  Dr. Elmore suggests recruiting people to mentor you in each area you choose to work on -- for example, if one wanted to improve in time management, he'd ask a friend who is really good at time management to give him advice and hold him accountable throughout the year.

So, here are the five areas I've chosen, with some thought and prayer, to focus on this year:
1. Financial responsibility/fundraising
2. Exercise
3. Courage/boldness
4. Prayer
5. Prep for being a godly wife

And here are my practical goals/things I've already started doing to grow in these areas:

1. Daily workouts!  So far I'm enjoying the workouts and feeling the accomplishment, and that's keeping me driven!  :-)

2. I've chosen a few books to read in 2013 that correspond to my focus areas:  The Missional Mom by Helen Lee (wives/moms in ministry), In A Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day by Mark Batterson (courage/boldness), and The Ascent of a Leader by Bill Thrall (general leadership).  Confession:  I am NOT very good at sticking with reading and actually finishing a book!!  So three in one year will be a big deal for me! haha.

3. I'm studying women of the Bible in my quiet times -- just kind of my own personal study on godly womanhood.

4. Making a priority to pray more specifically and faithfully for family and friends' specific needs.

As you can see, I haven't dived into all the areas yet, but workin' on it!
So far, I haven't really run with the mentor idea.  That's probably something I should improve on -- having people in my life that I intentionally glean wisdom from and who hold me accountable.  Hmm, something to think about!  :-)

There you have it!  The basic rundown of my 2013 goals, that really started early in December.  So far I've stayed pretty motivated and committed, but I know that could definitely wear off in the coming weeks and months, and then I'll need to evaluate and figure out how to stay the course!

What are your goals?  What five (or six or four or two) areas would you focus on improving this year?
Here's to a 2013 of INTENTIONAL growth and ministry!  Happy New Year!

like a sponge.

Lately I've felt like a sponge, thirstily soaking up any bit of wisdom or inspiration I can.  I find myself searching for it everywhere -- in Scripture, in books, in old journals, in songs, in quotes, in conversations.  I don't know why or how I've become so thirsty, but I'm like a dry sponge, soaking it all in and wanting more.

I wouldn't really call this a valley, or say I'm in a spiritually low place, because that's not true.  In fact, God is very real and very close...His work is more evident and His voice more clear than it has been in a while.  And yet I feel thirsty, needy, for more of Him, for more wisdom, truth, clarity, faith, light, inspiration, direction, hope, and holiness.

He satisfies the hungry soul with good things (Psalm 107:9).  He gives me a little every day.  A Scripture, a devotion, a line from a song.  Something specific to pray for.  A quote I wrote in my journal years ago, that spoke to me then and does again now.  Little sips to quench the thirst.  In fact, there are so many little "sips" I could share here -- thoughts that God has given or that have encouraged me lately -- that would probably seem so all-over-the-place if I wrote them all down here together, and you'd think I was crazy!  But they have kept me going...kept me thirsting...seeking for more from Him.  For more of Him.

At camp, we play a game with the kids involving a sponge and two buckets.  Each camper has to dip her sponge into a bucket of cold water from the creek, soaking up as much water as possible, then place the sponge on her head and run to the other end of the field.  At the other end of the field, there's a second bucket, and she squeezes her sponge out there before running back to the first bucket.  The object of the game is to be the first team to fill the second bucket.  It's hilarious to watch the kids play this game, running and laughing across the field with creek water streaming down their faces from the sponge on their head.  Some of the little ones hold it there too tightly, and squeeze most of the water out onto their own heads as they run, leaving nothing left to squeeze into the bucket.

I don't have a brilliant analogy for this.  Thinking about being a dry sponge just reminded me of it.  All I can say is, Lord, fill my bucket!

worship leaders

So, for the past couple of months, my friend Kevin and I have been serving as interim worship leaders at a new church start in Knoxville.  Today was our last Sunday there.  On the drive home today, I was reflecting a bit on the whole experience and what I've learned from it.

Leading a congregation in worship is an honor and a huge responsibility.  People come into church -- hopefully -- with a need and desire to experience God and hear from Him.  Practically speaking, the worship music is the door to that.  Before they sit down to hear the Word of God preached, they take part in the music.  It is the worship leaders' responsibility to lead the people into the presence of God.  That's huge.  That involves not only what songs we choose to sing, but the order of them, the quality with which we play and sing, our own spiritual preparation, and the whole attitude and spirit we give off from the stage.  Like the shepherd (the pastor) feeds and guides the sheep, the worship leaders have a responsibility to lead them as well, and that has to be taken seriously.  Just choosing a few songs to sing doesn't cut it.  It takes focus, work, prayer, and preparation to actually lead the people into the spirit of worship.

All that being said.... A) I have a new respect for church worship leaders! and B) it has been a great experience for me to be a part of this ministry.

And C) unfortunately, another level of difficulty is added when there is a general lack of the Holy Spirit's presence in a particular congregation.  That is one thing Kevin and I have struggled with during our time at this church.  The church as a whole is spiritually dry, and in that case, even when you pray and prepare to lead worship, sometimes you still get dull, blank stares from the congregation.  That can be frustrating and discouraging.  I've heard worship leaders talk about this before; now I've experienced it.

I'm not saying there weren't moments in these past 2 months that the Spirit was present and people worshiped.  I'm not saying there weren't moments that I got lost in worship as I stood on that stage and played my guitar, and played a wrong chord because my eyes were closed in worship.... because yep, that happened ;-)

But there was a lot of dryness, too.  So I'm praying for this church -- for God to be welcomed and to bring that congregation to life spiritually.  I'm super thankful for the opportunity to serve there for the past 2 months!  It has certainly been a learning experience.  Moving on from here, I hope God will bless them graciously.

"We are not through the story yet."

I've been slowly reading through The Shadow of the Almighty, the biography of missionary martyr Jim Elliot, for a while now.  It's a potentially life-altering book, if you let it really touch your heart and challenge you.  His passion for God, ministry, and personal spiritual growth is challenging and inspiring, and there are a lot of insights on how God works, too.  Not to mention the love story between Jim and his wife Elisabeth...that's pretty incredible, too...and as a girl, of course I love a good love story :-)

Personally, I find it crazy how alike Jim Elliot and I are.  The book records a lot of his own writings - journals and letters - and so many of his thoughts, prayers, and desires echo my own at this season of my life.  I almost feel like I'm reading my own journal at times!!  Maybe if we'd lived at the same time, we would have been "kindred spirits."  Maybe it's just the heart of a single 20-something called to a life of ministry.  Whatever the reason for the similarities, it's good to feel like you're not alone.

Today as I was reading, I came across this passage, an excerpt from one of Jim's letters to Elisabeth.  It's one of those that is so true for me, I could have written myself:

"Oh, what an ache wanting can bring, when I know that the wanting is good, right, even God-granted, but realize that for now it is God-denied, and that He has not let me know all the wisdom of the denial. But I believe, and it is this that lets the living go on...it seems to say, 'Take it easy; we are not through the story yet...'" 
(Jim Elliot)

Those words have been echoing in my heart all evening.  God knows what it is I want, the thing I'm waiting for, praying for.  Oh, what an ache wanting can bring.  He has His reasons for not giving it to me yet, and I trust Him, as much as I know how.  There is an ache in the waiting and wanting, but there is a joy in the trusting and hoping.  He sees the whole picture.  We are not through the story yet.  

You raise me up!

Let me tell you a story.

In July of 2006, I was working as a camp counselor at Camp Ba Yo Ca.  It was a tough week.  It was hot, I was tired, and some of my campers were difficult to get along with.  I remember Tuesday of that week so clearly -- that night was going to be the weekly hiking trip and overnight camp-out on the mountain, and I was dreading it!  Like really, really dreading it.

At chapel that morning, one of the younger counselors did sign language to the song "You Raise Me Up."  I'm pretty sure that was one of the first times I'd heard that song.  The words washed over me, overwhelmingly, speaking to me right where I was.  You raise me up so I can stand on mountains.  Suddenly I had the strength to go climb that mountain -- and camp out on it -- strength I had completely lacked just a few minutes before.  I am strong when I am on Your shoulders.

I remember that song playing in my mind all day long that day.  But it wasn't in the annoying, song-stuck-in-your-head way.  Rather, it was like God used the words to carry me through that difficult day, one step at a time.

Since that week, I've often named "You Raise Me Up" as one of my favorite songs.  I like to listen to Josh Groban, the Celtic Woman, Selah, or anyone else sing it.  But I don't remember it ever speaking to me and blessing me like it did that morning at chapel....... until tonight.

Currently, I have a big opportunity in front of me that's both scary and exciting.  I haven't shared it with many people yet... if it all works out, I'll tell you about it, so until then just take my word for it :-)  Let's just say it's an opportunity that involves standing on some mountains and some strength I don't know if I have.  The website is open on my browser, staring at me all day long, waiting for me to work up the courage to make a decision.  It's been consuming my thoughts for several days.

And tonight, I was listening to Pandora while editing some pictures, and the Celtic Woman singing "You Raise Me Up" comes on.  I hummed along through the first verse and chorus, distracted by my work....and then somewhere in the second chorus, it hit me.  Listen to the words!  So I did.  And again, just like that morning at camp years ago, I was overwhelmed by what they were saying to me.

You raise me up so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I am on Your shoulders
You raise me up to more than I can be

I'm afraid of the "leap of faith" that is before me, but I want the courage to take it.
He will give me the courage....He will "raise me up."
I will not walk into this alone or unprotected.  He is my strength, and with Him I can do it.
With Him I am more than I can be on my own.
You raise me up.  Thank You, Jesus.

Musings.

1.  My darling sister and best friend is coming home tonight, along with her hubby (my brother-in-law).  I can't wait to tackle her with hugs when she gets here.  I miss our sister time so much.

2.  You should check out this short blog post:  Path of the Paddle .  It's pretty wonderful.  

3.  I am counting down the days until I go to San Diego, California (there are 12 days left in the countdown, if you were wondering).  I have hopes for it to be an amazing week in many ways... including the fact that I get to see the Pacific Ocean for the first time.  

4.  I'm missing Camp Ba Yo Ca lately.  

5.  I've been doing a 2-week Scripture reading plan that covers remarkable prayers in the Bible.  A few commonalities I've noticed in the prayers of these men of God:  a) they were bold and faith-filled, b) they were often spoken aloud in an assembly of people, c) they reminded God of His own promises, and d) they were answered.  

6.  "All Things Possible" by Mark Schultz has made my list of favorite songs lately.  A few favorite lines: 

I know mountains can move

I've seen what You can do in my weakness

So my heart will believe

If I wait I will see

My God doing what only He can do

My God is strong and mighty

My God is faithful

My hope is in the Lord

For He is able

Still I'm holding on 

To the One who's making

All things possible

7.  There are a LOT of service and ministry projects you can choose from to do this Christmas.  I get that.  Just want to offer a suggestion, if you're looking for a way to give back and are interested in blessing our U.S. military... check out Any Soldier .  I discovered this organization today and am looking forward to participating.  

8.  I'm learning lately about.... real faith....trust in God's heart....hope beyond hope (Romans 4:18).  It's interchangeably wonderful and terrifying.  

9.  I'm also learning that I need to have purposeful diligence in my Bible reading habits.  In other words, not just picking it up and reading something random each day.  Focus it.  Pursue it.  Pursue HIM through it.  

10.  Here's something else you can do.  Do a Google image search for the word "beautiful" (make sure you have safe search on - friendly reminder :-) ) and look at the pictures that come up.  There are some beautiful and unique ones.  It's interesting to see what people label as beautiful.  

can it be?

"Awaken anything that has died an unnecessary death in her.. If she is in a desert, bloom something stunning and obvious there." 

(from Beth Moore's prayer for the listeners at her live simulcast, September 15, 2012)
(See the whole prayer here at Beth Moore's blog) 

That moment when... you've earnestly prayed this prayer for yourself, claiming what was prayed for you as your own... then a few days later, it happens.  An old longing you had tried to put to death is reawakened.  Something wonderful appears in the midst of the discouraging days.

And yet, still you question whether this thing is from God.

Until a few weeks later, you pull out your crumpled print-out of that prayer, read it again, and realize, in a wow moment, that maybe....possibly....this thing that has bloomed in your life again is God's answer to these words you prayed.  Can it be?

the wonder of it all..

During this beautiful fall season, I've been thinking about what it means to praise the Creator of this beauty.

I used to think that when I saw something -- mountains, a waterfall, a sunset, some glorious piece of creation -- that I was wrong or in some way "cheating" God if I didn't spout off some eloquent words of praise in my heart.  God deserves glory for His creation, right?  The Bible says that He has revealed Himself to us through creation (Romans 1:19-20, Psalm 19:1).  I thought, if He has made this for me to live in and to see, and if He uses it to show me Himself, then it is my responsibility to give Him proper praise for it.

But in the last few months, I've begun to realize that my simple enjoyment and awe of God's creation, the joy and wonder it stirs in my heart, is praise enough.  

God is our Father.  Think about it....parents love to see their children USING and ENJOYING the gifts they give them.  Right?  It would be disappointing for a mom or dad to give their child a gift, only for the child to toss it aside, take it for granted, and never enjoy it.  But when they see their child playing with that toy, wearing that outfit, driving that car, or whatever it may be, and finding delight in it, it makes the parent happy and feel that their gift is appreciated.

So when I see something awe-inspiring in God's creation, it's okay if I don't have any elaborate words of praise to say, or any amazing conclusions to draw (like, "God this shows me that you are....").  It's totally okay if I do, and I'm sure He loves that, too!  Maybe a Bible verse like "When I consider the heavens, the work of Your fingers..." might come to mind, or I might start singing a song about God's love being deeper than the ocean.  Awesome!  But it's also okay when nothing like that comes to mind.  Because I've come to believe that God loves to see my heart finding delight in what He has created.

And these are beautiful moments...
Being speechless over a gorgeous sunset.
Looking at a sky full of stars, wondering at how many there are.
Smiling when I see my beloved mountains appear on the horizon.
Breathing in fresh, clean air and laughing at the wind in my face.
Watching the snow fall in child-like wonder.

This is my heart wondering and rejoicing at my surroundings, at what my awesome Creator God has made with His hands.  Maybe I have prayers of praise and Scripture in response, but if not, no need to force it.  Maybe I simply say, "God, You're awesome."  Maybe I take a photo of it, or point it out to a friend, or just take a moment to breathe it in and savor it.  Whatever the response, I think our Father is pleased to see us delight in His gift of creation.

on singleness...

My September 5 journal entry:

"Got an email from [a friend] this morning.  She said, 'Love is hard but not impossible,' and said to keep praying, 'not in an attitude of desperation, but telling God that you need a person by your side.' 

You know that, Abba - that I need and want my man by my side, and to be by his.  But Your timing is perfect for that.  I can't even say if I'm ready for it or not, but I want to be.  Father, fulfill the desires of our hearts in Your perfect timing, and may it be soon, according to Your will.  Help me to rest in You and wait patiently, even when my flesh wants to pursue.  Remove selfishness from me, Lord, and develop agape love within me.  Prepare me to be the girlfriend, the companion, the wife that my man needs me to be - and more importantly, that You want me to be for Your glory!  And please be preparing him, too, to be a godly boyfriend, companion, husband, father, that I need/want him to be and that You're calling him to be.  Thank You for Your work in both our lives.
  
It's hard to have hope sometimes...Hard to imagine it actually working out beautifully...but help me hope, Lord; help me believe.  And God, continue to help me love and want You the most.  I pray that You would come before everything in both our lives, even before each other." 

[Note: the "man" referred to is an unknown person! :-) ]
Pray for your future mate, ladies and gentlemen.  And pray for God to bring you together!  I certainly do, though I sometimes feel like God is ignoring me.  He isn't.  But His ways are far above ours.

Yes, there have been moments in life that I have stomped my feet at God and told I'm that I'm sick of being alone.  There have been moments I've told Him I didn't want to learn any more "lessons" from "the gift of singleness." (as all the articles meant to make us feel better say!)  But in the end, I do believe that He knows what He's doing, and that what He's doing is something loving and beautiful.

It takes courage to hold onto that hope.  Let's hold it anyway.
"He makes everything beautiful in its time." Ecclesiastes 3:11