On turning 33 and what's bothering me

I turned 33 this weekend, and I have a lot of mixed feelings about it.

On one end of the spectrum:
Last night I nearly had a meltdown over being “almost 40.” For context, a few days ago, Brett and I had just been discussing how the last decade seems to have flown by. As we pondered how we’ve been married 5 years, working at Echo Ranch 7 years, and Brett moved back to Juneau 10 years ago, we realized that it has gone by quickly. We were both feeling like our 20’s should have been just yesterday!

So when I had the “lightbulb moment” of realizing the next 7 years will likely pass just as quickly, I had a moment of panic and wailed, “I’m not ready to be almost 40!”  

On the other end of the spectrum:
I recently read about the current cultural trend of making 33 a year of personal growth. Based on the fact that Jesus died and resurrected at age 33, some are calling it a “Jesus Year,” but the basic idea is young adults are designating this age as the year to get their life together, to focus on personal growth, to stop coasting and start pedaling. Of course a “Jesus Year” is not taught in the Bible, but the idea seems to be somewhat popular in mainstream culture right now. I find it interesting that people are acknowledging the significance of Jesus’ 33rd year, and thereby being motivated to grow up and make positive life changes in their own. It’s a flawed concept, but not a bad one.

While I know there’s no special magic to 33 or any other number, I am moved to view my upcoming year through these lenses of intentionality and purpose, and to ask the Lord for His vision for my next 365 days. If time is flying and 40 is indeed fast-approaching, then it’s a good time to take a look at my life and make sure I am living it well. So far, my list of hopes for the year ranges from losing weight to writing a book!

Emily P Freeman is one of my favorite authors / podcasters, and today I read this quote from her:

” ‘What’s bothering you’ could be the most revolutionary question we ask ourselves. What’s bothering us is actually the starting point for all meaningful change we’ve ever made.” 

So, as I ponder the growth I would like to see in my own year of being 33 — and beyond — perhaps this is the question I’ll ask: what’s bothering me? In my circumstances, in my relationships, in my soul, in the world around me, what do I want to see changed? What does the Spirit, God-within-me, want to change? When I consider being “almost 40,” what should be different? Who knows what ideas, goals, and lasting change might sprout from that seed of a question!

It’s going to be a good year.

How to be Amazing at the Things that Matter

 Earlier this summer, Brett and I attended the memorial service for a man who attended our church. A husband, a daddy, a friend and brother, an Army veteran, a hero, a man of God… his passing shook our community.

As I, alongside friends and fellow church members, grieved the massive loss to his wife, children, and family, there was one line – spoken by his brother – that took hold of me, challenged and inspired me.

“He became amazing at the things that were important to him, because he refused to waste time on things that were not important to him. “

You see, this guy was pretty awesome at a few specific things, like his heroic work in the military, his outdoor adventuring skills, and his dedication to his family. It could be easy to look at his life and say, “Wow, what an exceptional guy. Wish I could be awesome at stuff.”

His brother’s pointed statement was not only a testimony, but a challenge to all of us in the room. It gave away the secret: If we would choose to focus time and attention on the important things, and refuse to waste time on the unimportant things, we could excel at those things that matter to us.

What is it that matters to you? What do you wish to excel in, but seem to lack the time or focus?

For me, it’s writing.

I’ve literally been writing fiction stories since kindergarten. I probably wrote dozens, if not hundreds, of short stories while growing up — some finished, many unfinished, some in written-paragraph form, some in comic style, some typed on a huge old desktop computer, some with pencil and notebook paper.

I placed in essay contests, started my first blog in high school, and had my first magazine article published at 19. As long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a writer. Friends and family have told me for years that I should write a book, and truly, it’s one of my life goals.

Yet, as a busy adult with a full-time job, a husband, and a social life, I find that I’ve let writing slide to the back burner. My poor blog gets one or two posts per month. When I go to my “fiction writing” folder on my computer, I find that the last time one of my projects was even opened was April of 2018 (a year & three months ago).

So when I heard that inspiring statement– “He became amazing at the things that were important to him, because he refused to waste time on things that were not important to him”— I had to ask myself the hard questions: “What is important to me that I’m neglecting, and what is not important that I’m wasting time on?” Writing was the first answer, and the second answer was, well, several things. Social media and Netflix being the top two.

And so, it’s something I’m going to aim to change. Because someday, there will be a memorial service for me, and life is too short and precious to waste on unimportant things. It’s time to become amazing.

What’s your answer?

Domestic Infant Adoption: First Steps

 

In this sporadic and indefinite blog series, I am sharing bits and parts of the adoption process, with three goals: first, to provide updates to people in our lives who are interested. Second, to educate; to share what’s involved and what we’re experiencing and help people understand the adoption process better. And third, to hopefully encourage and provide some guidance to others who may be considering adoption or walking this road a few steps behind us. 

This installment in the series is for those who have made the decision to pursue a domestic infant adoption  and who are wondering what their first steps should be. At this point, everything is exciting and utterly overwhelming! I hope to provide you with a few guidelines to help you navigate your first steps toward adopting a baby.

• Choose your agency, attorney, or consultant.

I’m not trying to scare you, but this is a BIG choice and there are a LOT of options. There are so many things to consider when choosing your adoption provider. First, let’s talk about the differences between agencies, attorneys, and consultants.

An adoption agency is a business that typically handles your whole adoption process, from home study through finalization. They work with both hopeful adoptive parents and birth parents, and handle the matching process. Depending on the size of the agency, they might complete anywhere from 10 to 300 matches per year. Agency fees are typically pretty high, but again, they are a “one-stop” option that takes care of everything.

An adoption consultant helps you network with more than one agency, so that you get exposure to more expectant mothers. The consultant charges a flat fee to basically be your guide or go-to person during your adoption — they will provide you a list of the agencies they network with, help you find someone to do your home study, and answer your questions along the way. Once you’re matched with an expectant mother through one of the agencies, you’ll then owe agency fees to them as well.

An adoption attorney may work as an independent or with a law firm. This option generally provides you with less hands-on guidance along the way. You’ll probably need to find someone to complete your home study before you can be “on file” with an attorney as a prospective adoptive parent.

As you research your options, you’ll find that there are many, many adoption providers out there! To help with the decision, you should determine your criteria, and then ask questions like these:

-What is the typical cost of an adoption?
-Do they work with families in your state / specific situation?
-What is their average wait time?
-What services do they provide for expectant/birth mothers?
-Do they require any training upfront?

I recommend Googling reviews for each provider you are considering, and be sure to read reviews from birth parents as well as adoptive parents. How an agency treats expectant/birth mothers is very important, if you want to do this ethically! In addition, as you read their websites, take a look at the portion of the website that is aimed toward mothers making an adoption plan for their baby. What does it convey? Is it respectful and loving? Is it coercive? This should factor into your choice, too.

Image by Free Photos from Pixabay

• Start your home study.

Depending on your choice of adoption provider, the home study will likely be provided by your agency. If not, you’ll need to find a social worker or home study writer who you can independently contract with. Ask your agency, consultant, or attorney for recommendations. You could also check with your local child services office. I have another post on the home study for you to read when that time comes!

• Discuss what you’re open to.

The question will likely be on your agency application, and will definitely be part of your home study: what types of situations / children are you open to? I’ll go ahead and say it: this is a HARD conversation, but a necessary one. You and your spouse will need to deeply and honestly consider your openness to:
-gender
-ethnicity
-special needs
-drug exposure
-future contact with birth family

Image by rawpixel from Pixabay

• Start collecting photos for your family profile.

Your family profile is what will be shown to expectant mothers to help them choose the family they want to adopt their baby. It’s a summary of your life and who you are, in photos and a few paragraphs! Your agency, consultant, or attorney will give you guidelines for creating a profile book. Some want only a front-and-back page. Our consultant asked us to make a 25-page book!! You can start by going through your recent photos (the past 2-3 years; keep it current!) and choosing favorites that represent your family and what your life is like. If you don’t have very many photos, get out your phone and start capturing those everyday moments!

• Share your news ( or don’t ).

You might be bursting to shout your news from the roof tops, or you might prefer to keep it private for now. Either way is fine, but be sure you and your spouse are in agreement on WHO you tell and WHEN. For us, we waited until we were accepted to an agency before telling anyone.

 

Starting the adoption process is overwhelming. I hope these tips will help give you some direction for taking your first steps. Above all, keep praying over your adoption journey, and your future baby and his/her birth mama. Invite people you trust to join you in prayer over these BIG decisions you need to make. And just take it one step at a time!